Are Women Dating Boys Instead of Men ? ? ?
A famous writer had a citation named “attractions of deprivation” referring to when we are drawn to people who embody the worst emotional characteristics of our parents. Basically, the theory explains that we are attracted to people who can wound us the same way we were wounded in our childhood, as our psyche tries to recreate the past void and save us by changing its ending.
When girls grow from being a girls to becoming women, they are attracted to very different things than they were as girls. A mixed tradition has been in the air for long, when women went through hardships and heartbreaks and picked themselves back up which builds strength and courage, but something went wrong in the last decade, things changed.
Women have learned to love themselves, become independent, confident, and started to value their self-worth. Instead of relying on beauty as their source of empowerment, they are constantly focusing their empowerment on intelligence, successes, values and contributions to the world and how to help others. In a sense, they have finally grown up.
A girl is attracted to boys. A woman is attracted to men. Now, this has nothing to do with the actual age of a person. I am referring to maturity, life visions and stages in life. In fact, some people regardless of their age will never really grow up. If a girl lacks independence, she is ruled by insecurity, lack self-respect, throw tantrums, have princess syndrome, don’t have strong values or boundaries and can’t hold themselves on their own way thus leaving a lee way for boys to control her, a common characteristic boys.
However, women who are independent, ambitious, knows their worth and value, have strong moral compass, considerate and perfect communicators and do not let insecurity dominate their psyche, then they should be dating a man. And if you can’t spot the difference just yet, here are some pointers.
- A man is assertive, knows what he wants, and goes for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy is passive, may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, does not put much effort to get it, he cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.
- A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family, or another purpose or passion. A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.
- A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.
- A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids, ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. While instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.
- A man knows what to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in. A mature man understands the importance of honesty, openness, and clear communication. This is the only way both partners can find satisfaction in a relationship. A boy isn’t ready for such a relationship. He’s still playing. Does this mean he’s a bad person? No. It’s just that he’s still a kid. He’s still learning.
- A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is still getting drunk with his buddies at the parting every passing weekend, he’ll be more interested in punching the clock and looking forward to the weekend. Long-term planning isn’t foreseeable.
- A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.
- Integrity is a virtue in men. He means what he says, and says what he means. He follows through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why with no fear of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through, fear of rejection bother his mind and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.
All these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy, therefore I leave it for you to judge if you are dating a “Boy” or a “Man”….